Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
