theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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