she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
