No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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