How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
