Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Randomize
