i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
