I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
