guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
