She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
