I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
