Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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