I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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