Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
