i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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