so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
