I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
