I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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