trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
