I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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