he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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