Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
