actually, I'm a sock model
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
