summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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