Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
