The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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