im drinking this country out of the recession.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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