If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
