the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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