so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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