So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
