you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
