EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
