I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
