The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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