With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
