I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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