oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
