Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
