im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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