i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
