please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
