I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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