They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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