My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
