cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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