need another drink. this is the easiest way
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
