I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
