Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
