just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Found the puke drawer
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
