the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
