at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
