come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
