Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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