My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
