I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
