well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
