marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
