she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
