dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
he thought i was a dude.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.