I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.