alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants