Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.