That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.