If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood