I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet