He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
