His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
