I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
