About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
