Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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