I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
