there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
