Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
