is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
