I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
