I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
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I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
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Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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