The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
