You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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