There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
