They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Randomize
