the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
